Single...again n again...

I don't wanna to write so much, cos i'm totally deeply hurt....once again i'm being into single relationship now as i'm too tiring of dramas...too tiring with promises...which after all...only the empty promises that i got..i'm just damn tiring with all of this..& this makes all my life more get into bullshitt n stressing me .....i don't want this thing happened but i have to make this decision, cos i'm so much hurt....i can't stand anymore....we're over....you win....you free now.....

if you ever read this, i just want u to know that i had to made this decision not becos i don't love you anymore....i'm so love you...i really do....but you hurting me many times n i can't stand anymore......this time, i give up.....i surrender...both of us cannot be handle together...we're not meant to be together....i'm deeply hurt......i hope one day, you could find someone better than me..i'm out.....Thank you for everything...

The most moment that i can't forgive myself...

On wednesday, 29th september 2010......

all i could say is i'm really sorry...really sorry for what i had done....ya, its my own fault for done those stupid thing such like dat to u..i din meant to...i don want it happened actually but i blame myself for too emosion..n i'm too care bout my anger feels...i din meant to did like dat...i'm rili sorry....all i could say i'm sorry enough to u...i know even how i say sorry million times to u, u still cannot forgive me...i know...i know i make u worried bout me dat nite...but i'm rili sorry ...its me who should be blame, its me..myself...no one else..i'm just too emo.. all my anger had controlling myself...i even cannot control my emosion....i can't help myself...but all i want u to know...i'm honest with u..i never lied to u since we started our relationship...trust me..cos i rili love u...i'm just too jealous...i'm too emosion...n i cannot control myself...trust me.....i never lied to u...i'm honest with u...all the entire of our relationship...i'm honest with u...i explained to u bout it dat nite....trust me......i din meant to hurt u like dat..i din meant to make u worried...please blame myself...blame myself....my fault...its my fault....i'm sorry....i'm really sorry.........i'm so sorry...i'm sorry.......i know, our relationship had to be ended up like dis...i'm failed...i'm failed to save our relationship like dis..i'm failed...i'm failed enough...i even can't forgive myself....i know u hate me...ya, u can say all bad things bout me...i'm the one who should be blame....its my fault....ya...my fault..i even can't say anything more....i don no how.....but all i could say is i'm sorry.....trust me dat i won't backstab u...cos i rili love u......i'm sorry for being too emosion....i'm sorry for hurt u...i'm sorry for make u worried...i'm sorry for everything....i'm really sorry....if u ever read this, all i coull say is i'm really sorry.....i'm so sorry......i love u so much.....n i'm so sorry......

I'm fat....

Gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!! errghh!!! i'm fat now...like a doraemon...gonna keep myself often work out n i'm gonna start dieting....ahax...i hope so dat i could reduce my weight n calories...lolxx....ouh btw....since i feels so bored in my room since this morning...i opened up my fb n i saw one of my fb fren posted a link bout' make up tutorial.....well, its about japanese make up style...n when i saw at that video, i think i should give myself a try on those make up...cos i think its cool n perfect for me...hehe..n here's the link to the video....u gonna love it....i'm pretty sure...

I'm sad......so sad....:(

Tomorrow is my flite go back to kk, i rili want to meet my darling before i go back...but...hmm...transport problem...should i blame him? 50 yes n 50 maybe no.....Feels so sad rite now..i want to spend my time more with him...hmm...so sad....:(((((((( anywhere...actually i missed kk very much..i missed my olie....my dad..my mum..n all....but my mum will not be in kk during my holiday..wtf....gonna be my boring holiday...but i will be go back to papar..meet up my akung n apo....missed them so much..but tonite....i feels soooo....sad.....hmm..:(((but maybe tomorrow is my happy day......gonna smile......i will be back to sarawak on 10th......

N.O.W

I will be very busy in this semester plus busy with my fyp project..lolxx.... i'd done my proposal & will submit it to my supervisor. So sad this year, i could't celebrate my birthday, cos 1st i have no budget and 2nd, i will be having my field trip on my birthday, lol....sucks.....

But, i guess....besday celebration is not important...the most important is people will remember my besday, dats all.....

oouh...btw, i'm in a diet mode rite now..lolxx.....i mean, i will doing my exercise every weekdays and i don't take a meal starting from 8 pm everyday....lol...

i want look a bit thin cos i realize dat i'm fat now....haha..lol..

and i'm in a process to cure my pimples problem too....lol....got pimples around my face and they causes scars, merah2 oredi my face........lolx.....suckksss......but..i'm using dalacin t 1% solution to cure my acne and i apply it during nite time on my face, its just like toner, just apply it directly on a skin...dalacin t 1% is a solution which help to treat the pimples problem and its good to me....after apply it on the face, then i will apply pimple cream which contain tea tree oil to the affected area on my face, dalacin t will treat acne from the inside while the tea tree oil cream will help to cure pimple from the outside, so its better to use in and out....hehe....

during day time, after wash my face, i will apply tea tree oil toner onto my face and its good to reduce the size of the opening pores, and after apply it, the i will apply melilea cream sunblock, this good too for my skin, cos it containc a natural moisturizer which helps to moisturise my skin face......hohoho.....the most important it, i will never squeeze my pimples cos i biliv it can make my skin structure damage....well, i used to squeezed my pimples before, but i stopped doing it now coz yeahh....skin structure will be damage by squeezing those pimples.....so, just let the fuckin' pimples doing their job and i will kill them slowly......easy.....hohohohoho......

ouh...fyi, i take vitamin c too for my skin health, trust me..its good for our skin..

Saya sgt sayang dgn HUDSON TOH CHE SON!!

Last punya last punya nite...kami gaduh, adalah tu sebab dia...well, i'm the one who have problem bah, i'm too jealousy..sy sgt kuat cemburu, i dun like if he go disturb2 other girls whether in his own facebook or his fake facebook...lolxx...& even in reality pun...i don like!! Cos i jeles...sy sgt kuat cemburu, & bkn semua org dapat handle sikap sy yg mcm ini....hohohoh....

sy memang tak suka tgk dia layan other bitches, i hate it so much..

apa yg lucunya, semalam kan, sy ksh putus dia...hahhaha....actually sy sdg berfikir bah tu...ish ish ish....luculah...sy sgt sayang dia....then, sy send dia sms, bgtau dia, "darling, i love u..me tdk sanggup if u tiada....x snggup..x snggup.....bla bla..."

hahhahah.......kelucuan jg lah...bygkan, sy ksh putus hubungan kami sbb sy mau fokus dgn study sy, & sy kuat cemburu, jd untuk tdk membuatkan sy kusut2 pemikiran fikir pasal ni semua, better sy single...tu lah alasan yg sy bg dgn hudson sbb sy ni kuat cemburu...tdk suka tgk dia lyn pmpuan2 lain....lolxx......

Tapi, sy rasa lucu, hahahhah.....sbb sy sms dia smlm yg sy minta putus, walaupun sgt sakit hati tp sy buat jg......hahha...then, smlm tu sy sdg tgk movie d laptop, sy teringat dia.....tdk dapat hilanglah c hudson ni dari otak sy....kenapa ahh???hahahha....then, sy pun send sms lh dgn dia...sy tak snggup kehilangan dia...& sy tdk biasa kalau dia tiada...huhu......saya sangat syg hudson.....sy mmg tdk biasalah kalau dia tiada...& everyday sending him sms sdh jadi rutin harian sy seharian.....sy tdk biasa kalau tdk sms dgn dia dlm satu hari tu....hahahha....lucunya.....

Okey..actually, hudson x mau putus dgn sy jg, dia pun syg sy.....bila sy baca semula sms dia smlm, sy rasa lucu....hehehhe....sbb dia berabis suruh sy ckp yg sy yg tinggalkan dia.....hahahha.....hmm....tak snggup lh sy kalau hudson tiada..ish ish ish.......now, everything sdh settle, both of us still together, & sy pun happy sbb sy dpt teruskan pengajian sy dgn perfectly.....even sy ada much problems ari tu but now semua sdh settle.....thank god....

sy x mau gaduh2 dgn hudson lg okey.....& hudson sdh janji dgn sy yg dia akn delete .......................

hehhe........hudson memahaminya......heheh.....

What's new??

Hey, sorry for not blogging for so long..lolxx..i dun no wat i'm going to say but i just wanna share a bit news from me......

1. My ESPANIARDD won the world cup champion, yeahh....the are the greatest ever, so don blame them becoz of their own greatness!! no more talking shitt...in fact, they're not cheaters, they're WINNER !!!! they deserve the title.....so to all haters, BACK OFF ! & silent!!

2. I went for the rainforest in sarawak, well...heard many people told me dat it awesome...& yeah it awesome actually but NOT awesome enough....lolxx.....

3. New sem had started & new schedule was in...so gotta be more hardworking in this sem, still not pay my fee yet, dun have money rite now..

4. I hate to tell dis, but...new frens are here with me...pimples....!!! lolxx....there's lot of pimples pop out from my face dis nowadays...don no wats wrong..unstable hormone perhaps..lolxx....

5. I'm fat!! lolxx....wish i could reduce my weight by this end of month....31st july...its my birthdayy...yeaahh!! but i dun have money to celebrate it for this year.

6. Hmm..watelse..ouh yup..i dun get my ptptn dis sem..due to my sucks result last sem..lolxx...i mean second last sem..

7. I have money problem, dun no wat i'm going to do...

8. Dis sem, i have to score much !! i have to give 100% in my carrier...Study well, do well, score well......

i guess dats all bout the news......anything?? i'll check up later.....

xoxo

~Reb~

20 APRIL 2010 incident..i'm hurt enough...

Who am i??? wat type of person am i? you get to know me 1st then u will know....

Here i wanna share my hurt story of me, which maybe it will hurt u too if u be in my shoes..

On 20 april 2010..everything was revealed, its bout me n hudson..first of all, the 1st day i met him, i keep in my mind dat he's different, he will be my forever love ever, he's the perfect one for me & i'm sure dat he's the best among the best, i don judging him, i get to no him by myself, his behaviour, his attitude, his heart n his love..he loves me damn much n i love him so much, i love him to death..

But...everything was ruined, i was wrong..n i feel stupid..coz everything's revealed how he is exactly..only god knows how hurt i feel, why i feel hurt???????

I'm hurt exactly not becos of he's backstab to me, n yup i'm hurt becos of it too but the thing dat i feel hurt most is...he never appreciate wat i had done to him,never....after all..he always marah2 me, n keep saying dat me got scandal and so watever..bla bla bla...but i still sabar with him, i don mind he owes mrh2 me n ckp me kasar2, tapi.....at least..please appreciate me....

Only the god knows how am i...i will never ever curang to him, & sepanjang me in relationship with him, sy x pnh curang even once pun x pnh....cos i rili love him so much & for me, he's the one who make me smile, n i'm happy being with him, i rili love him & sy x sampai hati untuk curang dgn dia..

But...i never expect dat he will done backstab to me...ini balasan sy after all wat i done to him..

Sy terdiam seketika bila perbualan message antara sy n pamela sdh revealed wat he had done to me...sy terdiam itu maknanya, i'm soooo...deeply hurt...rili hurt...

I got no words to say..but....deeply in my heart, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH....he should know bout it....sampai hati dia buat sy mcm ni....:(

i'm hurt.....But....its okey..i accept this is as my challenge in my life..cabaran..n cobaan ..

Currently, me n him are fine now..we're still together, walau dia buat me mcm tu sekali pun, i still love him...n my love to him will never fades away, cos he sticked in my heart forever....

I want him to know dat i'm not a type of curang person..who will simply curang to my bf...i am not...i'm not like dat..walau dia jht dgn sy mcm mana pun, i won't ever do dat, cos i'm not dat type of person, my love is strong enough to him, selama ni pun, sy x pnh curang even dgn ex2 sy pun, me x pnh curang......

But i no, hudson never biliv in me even million times i told him..its ok lah..sy pun x mau bgtau dia, biar dia tau sendiri yg me bkn mcm itu....

But he oredi showed to me dat he's a type of curang person...i hope, he won't do the same thing again cos after all, he said dat he will swear to god dat he will never ever do the same thing...

ok....i'm waiting for u....I love him....i need god to cure my heart back, cos its still bleeding inside...

& i still trauma.....i wish the god will help me.....

His birthday & something weird

I am sooooo happy ....just trust me ok, i love hudson toh so much..today ( 16 february ) is his birthday, & i'm happy cos sy ada d sisi dia time birthday dia..hmm..lastnite jam 12 lbh mcm tu sy wish dia happy birthday, haa....even time tu, sy nampak ex gf dia org pertama wish dia birthday d sms hp c hudson..hmm..actually sy mau wish dia, but then suddenly hp hudson bunyi, rupanya msg dr ex dia pula wish dia birthday, so dialh org pertama yg wish dia birthday...hmm...sy??? maybe org ke 2....hmm....but i don mind with it..at least sy ada di sebelah dia time his besday, sy cukup besyukur sdh...i don no lah whether he still love his ex or not but i no dat his ex is still love him, if not then wht she always texting to hudson ...one of the message, his ex told him dat she added hudson in fb n asked him to prove her...perlukah mau bgtau?? think bout it..

But, i don mind actually if she still keep messaging him, i just hope dat hudson always love me...cos i love him sooooo....much...